W.A.L.T recall events through the eyes of an animal.
Success Criteria
I know I will be successful when my recount has a
- Title
- Orientation: When? Who? Where? Why?
- Sequence of events: What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).
- Personal Comment: How did the events make you feel?
THE WORST DAY EVER
It is a sunny day me my, mum and dad was going for a walk around the national animal park in South Africa. It was December 25th we came to a riverbank. Me and my family are walking along the riverbank. I could see my dad stop i don’t know if there was something wrong.
Then I saw a pride of lions resting in the sun. Than they are going to get me. BOOM ! The lions are chasing me, I am the baby buffalo. The lions are getting closer and closer to me, I was running as fast as I could. I ran into the water a crocodile came out and grabbed my tail it hurt really bad, I know they would come after me because I am the weakest and slowest. Then the lions and the crocodile were having a fight like a tug of war to see if the lions will have me for lunch or their worst enemy the crocodile. Then the crocodile teeth slipped the lions won and they brought me to shore. I could feel the lions sharp, scary and ferocious teeth. It felt like I broke a bone. Then my family came back to save me, my dad poked the lions with his horns the lions ran away, I thought I would be dead by now. Then my dad scared him away I was relieved, that got to spend the rest of my life with my family.
Great to see the changes you have made to your writing. I was especially pleased to see commas being used correctly. I wonder if you could add more detail to the end when the dad scared the lion away. Did the dad or the Lion make a noise? Did it happen quickly or was there a bit of a fight? What were the other animals doing?
ReplyDeleteAlexis I really like your work because it has punctuation like commas, full stops and exclamation marks. At the end it says "I was relieved, that got," Do you mean 'That I got"? I love how it says "I felt like I broke a bone." Maybe you could fix some mistakes?
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